The October 2009 HSP Gathering Retreat in Estes Park, Colorado was a major learning experience for many us who attended, including myself as facilitator and host. Like so many before, I looked forward to this Gathering, only to be met with many unexpected challenges affecting myself and the group as a whole.
Now I know there are many ways to professionally deal with unexpected challenges when they arise at workshops, conferences or seminars. However, this was a HSP Gathering Retreat … and I’m a HSP – one who strives toward authenticity. So, I took a risk and openly shared my frustrations and observations. I didn’t know until recently that this ‘strategy’ was helpful in the least until I received this comment from Carol: “What helped ME the most is that I thought you were very 'real' and open and honest about yourself, and I really needed that. It helped me be able accept myself and learn to be open about how I am.” Thank you Carol for sharing that! It helps reinforce the need for we HSPs to accept, express and be open about who we are and what we experience in the world.
What were these unexpected challenges?
Besides many unmet needs and expectations (mine included) which I won’t go into here, the weather did not cooperate! Instead of warm sunny days enticing us to be outside taking in the awe inspiring colors of autumn, we got 35 mph gusts of wind, rain and snow.
Next, three people became ill, with one participant who traveled all the way from England being quarantined in her room for 3 days with the flu.
Then we had our special time with Dr. Elaine Aron (speaking via teleconference) on:
"Grief, the Fear of Loss, and Their Effect on Our (or HSPs') Close Relationships"?
This special time began by having each person write down a brief reaction or memory to a past loss in their life. I then innocently read them aloud. It was half way through these powerful testimonies of grief and loss when the impact of this exercise became clear: people were leaving the room, tears were streaming down many faces, and tissues were being passed around. We had unintentionally and successfully unmasked, reignited and exposed the many facets of grief and loss. Of course, Elaine being on the other side of the country and speaking to us by phone had no idea of this impact.
It was time for a break! I felt terrible, responsible and consumed by my own grief for causing so much grief … A frantic call to Elaine had us changing course immediately. We would discontinue the discussion on grief, and instead share what was most ‘up’ for us individually and collectively, and what grief had been unmasked. This was healing on many levels. It gave us a chance to acknowledge the feelings of grief and loss in the room, honor the on-going journey necessary to heal from grief, and help many to identify personal grief work to be done in the future.
HSPs Need to Anticipate and Prepare for Grief & Loss
This was the main lesson that came out of this experience. Just like other experiences – positive or negative – it is a fact we HSPs feel and process emotions more deeply and are aware of the many variables, and sometimes complicated themes surrounding most issues we are faced with. That said, Elaine’s advice was to: anticipate and prepare for grief and loss. Go ahead and think about how a loss might impact you. Anticipate what ramifications, consequences and challenges you will need to deal with. This might be like planning an extended trip abroad - you anticipate what might happen and plan accordingly.
In her own unique way, Elaine assured me that what we were feeling and experiencing was indeed “good.” We were feeling what was real for us … and sharing it openly in a safe environment – one of the prerequisites for healing from grief and loss.
Finally, this experience led me to the article shared here “Important Things to Know about Grief & Loss.” I hope you find it helpful in moving toward a closure - perhaps one you didn’t know you were needing?
